Any experienced psychologist or counsellor will stress the importance of identifying the root of the problem in order for you to truly learn from it, and move forward from it permanently.
For me, passing my mid 20s and realising 30 wasn’t as far away as it once seemed, forced me to think in a lot more depth about my future and the kind of woman I really want to be.
The most effective self evaluation is when you can truly acknowledge not only your external or ‘obvious’ flaws, but your more deep rooted issues, because of the ways in which they still impact who you are and how you act today.
One of the promises I made to myself to this year was to end this year as the best version of myself I’ve seen yet. And a huge part of me getting to that point has required me to be ‘ugly real’ with myself about the areas I truly need to address, grow from and improve on. And though the journey is by no means fun or easy, so far I can definitely say its worth it.
- ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT THE ISSUE IS- WHY DO I FEEL/THINK OR ACT THAT WAY?
Is there a particular person, event or place that ignited or triggered you to feel or act the way you do.
Be it a short temper, procrastination, the fear of being alone, avoiding confrontation, physical insecurity, being excessively reliant on social media, the inability to feel content without makeup, sex, drug or alcohol addiction, , being unhappy single, the idea that the more girls/guys you can pull the more confident you feel, the fear of being hurt, the fear of failure, being insecure, being ‘socially awkward’
etc, EVERYTHING STARTS FROM SOMEWHERE.
2.WHEN DID IT START?
The longer you leave an issue unresolved, the more room you allow for it to damage, interfere with or block you from reaching your greatest potential.
E.g. If your first love broke your heart, or you were molested or abused at a young age, the unresolved issues or effects from those experiences can lead you to resent the opposite sex or be reluctant or point blank refuse to date due to a long standing fear. Which could mean missing out on ever meeting your future spouse/purpose partner.
Or another example may be:
if you were someone who felt your voice was never heard as a kid or in school or you were made to feel your opinions never mattered, you may be a lot more assertive or defensive in your approach later on so you never feel undervalued or unheard again.
3. WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO OVERCOME THIS?
There is big difference between just saying ‘I have a problem/issue’ and actually DOING something about it. Some learned behaviours or traumatic experiences are hard to escape from especially when they have had time to linger in your life. Be discerning of how much help or actions you need to take to conquer the issue. While some things can be resolved through one conversation, Cutting ties with a bad person or environment, prayer, or breaking a habit, others require more in depth and longer term attention that may even require to get counselling in order for you to truly heal and grow.
Marriage counselling is a classic example of this. It exposes existing issues as well as the ones you may not even know you had. It allows you to address them and prepares you to deal with them step by step, so they don’t manifest later in your marriage and have a negative impact on your home.
4. HOW WILL I KNOW IM HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION?
Find a method to track your progress. For me its been witnessing myself handle the same scenarios i’ve encountered before (e.g. feeling stressed out by my multiple responsibilities,) in a much wiser way, and not being as frustrated or overwhelmed as I once was. Not only has that has taught me a deeper level of self awareness and self discipline, but it has reminded me that I am in control of my own happiness, so certain things that used to bother me no longer hold the same weight in my life.
- Be observant of yourself and your behaviour patterns both good and bad.
- Identify your triggers
- Attack The Issue From its Root
- Take all the necessary steps to deal with it
- Monitor your progress